you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
