we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
