There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just gargled with NyQuil
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
