It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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