I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
