so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
