we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
