I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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