He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
