How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
