Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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