He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
