Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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