Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
