my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
