um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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