i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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