it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
