you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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