i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
