If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
