She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.