my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dating After Heartbreak
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.