Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.

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(360): Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news. http://tfl.nu/qxqs

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(727): View more from Florida

I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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(727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i

Replies (37) Good night (5095) Bad night (1977) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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(215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6

Replies (16) Good night (1155) Bad night (3460) Order T-Shirt
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(270): View more from Kentucky

If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am

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(270): If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am http://tfl.nu/t19w

Replies (19) Good night (4161) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

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(203): She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers. http://tfl.nu/qfx8

Replies (25) Good night (4563) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?

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(402): Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/ycxt

Replies (6) Good night (1001) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.

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(270): I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/i6l6

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

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(857): It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful. http://tfl.nu/xfy4

Replies (9) Good night (1961) Bad night (977)
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(619): View more from California

I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.

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(619): I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time. http://tfl.nu/u8ll

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.

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(505): I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking. http://tfl.nu/gybt

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(716): View more from New York

I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...

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(716): I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life... http://tfl.nu/ae71

Replies (5) Good night (734) Bad night (1267)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?

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(613): Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you? http://tfl.nu/o3d1

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again

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(905): I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again http://tfl.nu/ut4u

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(213): View more from California

you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say

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(213): you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say http://tfl.nu/62ic

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer

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(405): And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer http://tfl.nu/voyh

Replies (4) Good night (423) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt

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