something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now