i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
