I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
