just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
