I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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