today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
