That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
