Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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