I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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