so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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