Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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