All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
