I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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