Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
