I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
