lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
