Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
