Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
