I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
