Do you still have your period?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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