im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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