Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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