I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
