There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
