make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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