this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
