Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
