Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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