There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
