I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
