phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.