It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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