Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
