i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my poor anus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
