sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
