I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
