i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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