I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
