Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
