guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
