I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
