why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
