You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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