can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I queefed so loud it echoed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
