The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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