I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
