One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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