I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
