glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
