Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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