So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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